I have been hesitant to start a blog.
Truth is, I am afraid of writing. Someone who got paid big bucks to write ought to be able to write well. Who cares that a blog would expose my innermost thoughts and feelings; what really matters is that it might expose my total inability to express myself.
Truth is, I am afraid I may find it impossible to continue. The “blog-site” might begin to haunt me same as the unfinished ponchos I began to crochet last year, the unscrapbooked photos from twelve years’ past, the untended garden I planted in the Spring, and the incomplete Bible study (scratch that, studies) on my bedside table.
Truth is, I am afraid having a blog will increase my tendency toward self-focus, instead of Christ-focus. “I am like a frog which, no matter how high it leaps, always finishes up back in the mud. No matter how hard I try to escape from myself, I always come back to myself and my self-love.” (That’s from Eighteenth-century Italian priest, missionary and theologian Dominic Barberi -- see, only paragraphs into it, and I’m already guilty of plagiarism.)
Truth is, I am afraid of failure. I have begun to lose sight of who I am – a woman bathed by the blood of Jesus, a woman drenched in the overwhelming love of God.
And so I begin this blog. Knowing full well that in some way I will fail. Believing, at least for the moment, that by God’s grace it doesn’t really matter.
“Whom have I in heaven but Thee?
And besides Thee, I desire nothing on earth.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
… the nearness of God is my good.”
Psalm 25-26, 28a
My prayer is that God will be honored in this blog, and that through it both I and those who read it will be moved into a deeper relationship with him.
O high and glorious God, light up [our] hearts.
St. Francis of Assisi, paraphrased by me
3 comments:
Laura, Oh, I was so excited when I saw that you, too, had started a blog. I hope it is something that's fun for you and not a burden. I'll pray, too, that it will not overwhelm you and draw you away from Christ. Please keep posting as I love to read what you write...I can hear your sweet voice and see your beautiful face as I read your words. I miss you.
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