I love this poem about the coming of Christ. It was a moment like any other moment, nothing seemed special about it -- but God marked it for eternity, and now all of time is measured by it.
BC : AD
This was the moment when Before
Turned into After, and the future's
Uninvented timekeepers presented arms.
This was the moment when nothing
Happened. Only dull peace
Sprawled boringly over the earth.
This was the moment when even energetic Romans
Could find nothing better to do
Than counting heads in remote provinces.
And this was the moment
When a few farm workers and three
Members of an obscure Persian sect
Walked haphazard by starlight straight
Into the kingdom of heaven.
U. A Fanthorpe
Assessing assessment
Friday, October 27, 2006
We will not be planting a church.
There are others better-suited to that ministry, we are told, and other ministry better-suited to us.
The week has been grueling, to say the least.
We have strategized, scrutinized, evangelized, and socialized.
I’m not sure I’ve ever felt so strongly and for such a lengthy time the battle of my flesh against the Spirit. The flesh would tempt me to overanalyze situations, compare us to other candidate couples, and worry what others thought of us, and the Spirit would compel me to pray for God’s grace not to do those very things. Then the flesh would tempt me again to overanalyze, compare and worry, and the Spirit would compel me again to pray. The cycle repeated itself over and over and over again. I’m thankful the Spirit was present and unmistakable to me, but the battle was exhausting.
My emotions have run the gamut. I’ve been calm, anxious, excited, inspired, encouraged, discouraged, comfortable, uncomfortable, heartbroken, convicted, disappointed, angry, bitter, and sad (very, very sad).
My sadness stems less, however, from the fact that we weren’t approved, and more, I’m sorry to say, from fear over the opinions of our fellow candidates and the assessors, and supposition over how we might have performed differently. Shuck it to the cob, and I’m overanalyzing, comparing, and worrying.
The reality is, I know things would have turned out differently at the assessment center ONLY if God had intended us to plant a church and gifted us accordingly. His plan for us is different, and that’s not only OK, it’s also very good.
One day, I’ll forgive the perceived injustices of the system. I’ll rejoice in the gifts God has given us and the long-term ministry direction in which those gifts keep or take us. I’ll be able to accept our areas of struggle for what they are, and seek God’s redeeming grace to change us.
But for now my spirit is weary, my heart is wounded, and I’m struggling to see past the heartache of now to hope for the blessings of the future.
There are others better-suited to that ministry, we are told, and other ministry better-suited to us.
The week has been grueling, to say the least.
We have strategized, scrutinized, evangelized, and socialized.
I’m not sure I’ve ever felt so strongly and for such a lengthy time the battle of my flesh against the Spirit. The flesh would tempt me to overanalyze situations, compare us to other candidate couples, and worry what others thought of us, and the Spirit would compel me to pray for God’s grace not to do those very things. Then the flesh would tempt me again to overanalyze, compare and worry, and the Spirit would compel me again to pray. The cycle repeated itself over and over and over again. I’m thankful the Spirit was present and unmistakable to me, but the battle was exhausting.
My emotions have run the gamut. I’ve been calm, anxious, excited, inspired, encouraged, discouraged, comfortable, uncomfortable, heartbroken, convicted, disappointed, angry, bitter, and sad (very, very sad).
My sadness stems less, however, from the fact that we weren’t approved, and more, I’m sorry to say, from fear over the opinions of our fellow candidates and the assessors, and supposition over how we might have performed differently. Shuck it to the cob, and I’m overanalyzing, comparing, and worrying.
The reality is, I know things would have turned out differently at the assessment center ONLY if God had intended us to plant a church and gifted us accordingly. His plan for us is different, and that’s not only OK, it’s also very good.
One day, I’ll forgive the perceived injustices of the system. I’ll rejoice in the gifts God has given us and the long-term ministry direction in which those gifts keep or take us. I’ll be able to accept our areas of struggle for what they are, and seek God’s redeeming grace to change us.
But for now my spirit is weary, my heart is wounded, and I’m struggling to see past the heartache of now to hope for the blessings of the future.
Awakenings
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
I have been awakened the last several nights by the oddest of sounds.
Birds.
Birds chirping.
Lots of birds chirping -- at 1 a.m.
I don’t recollect this ever having happened before -- wakened, not by an annoying dog, or a sick child, or terrifying thunder, but by the beautiful songs of the birds. I wonder: Don’t the birds generally sing their melodies as day begins to dawn each morning? Or have they always chattered away during the middle of the night, unbeknownst to me?
I’m smitten with the birds. Have been for several years now. Graeme Gibson, an author and bird enthusiast, says bird-lovers have “stumbled onto a seductive truth.” He writes: “ … paying attention to birds, being mindful of them, is being mindful of Life itself. We seldom think of it this clearly, but sometimes, unexpectedly, we are overtaken by a sense of wonder and gratitude.”
In the middle of the night, the birds sang. And it was lovely. Crisp. Clear. Pure. Unblemished by the noise of day.
And I was overtaken. Overtaken, indeed, by a sense of wonder and gratitude. Wonder, that beauty would find me in the midst of my sleep (isn’t that always when beauty hits us strongest – when we’re, metaphorically speaking, asleep). And gratitude, that I would be given so sweet a gift.
Gibson says, "Surely it is the encounter with a force much larger than ourselves that moves us [to this sense of wonder and gratitude]." I’m not so sure what "force" Gibson meant; life, maybe. But he may be more right than he even realizes, because of this I am certain: surely, it was an encounter with a Force much larger than myself that moved me so in the middle of the night.
“For since the creation of the world, His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood through what has been made….” Romans 1:20
Birds.
Birds chirping.
Lots of birds chirping -- at 1 a.m.
I don’t recollect this ever having happened before -- wakened, not by an annoying dog, or a sick child, or terrifying thunder, but by the beautiful songs of the birds. I wonder: Don’t the birds generally sing their melodies as day begins to dawn each morning? Or have they always chattered away during the middle of the night, unbeknownst to me?
I’m smitten with the birds. Have been for several years now. Graeme Gibson, an author and bird enthusiast, says bird-lovers have “stumbled onto a seductive truth.” He writes: “ … paying attention to birds, being mindful of them, is being mindful of Life itself. We seldom think of it this clearly, but sometimes, unexpectedly, we are overtaken by a sense of wonder and gratitude.”
In the middle of the night, the birds sang. And it was lovely. Crisp. Clear. Pure. Unblemished by the noise of day.
And I was overtaken. Overtaken, indeed, by a sense of wonder and gratitude. Wonder, that beauty would find me in the midst of my sleep (isn’t that always when beauty hits us strongest – when we’re, metaphorically speaking, asleep). And gratitude, that I would be given so sweet a gift.
Gibson says, "Surely it is the encounter with a force much larger than ourselves that moves us [to this sense of wonder and gratitude]." I’m not so sure what "force" Gibson meant; life, maybe. But he may be more right than he even realizes, because of this I am certain: surely, it was an encounter with a Force much larger than myself that moved me so in the middle of the night.
“For since the creation of the world, His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood through what has been made….” Romans 1:20
A Quick Insight, Now to Ponder
Sunday, March 12, 2006
I’ve always been a slow thinker – I ponder, mull, then ponder some more. It can take me hours to make a decision, days to develop an opinion, and weeks to formulate my side of a debate I already lost to my husband. I have difficulty stating how I feel, am slow to grasp the overall themes of great literature, and often “get” the punch line only after everyone else has stopped laughing.
SO, when an ORIGINAL THOUGHT comes to me quickly (a rarity, trust me), I get really excited. But it happened. Today. When Burt was preaching.
The sermon was part of our current series on what makes a healthy church. The passage, for those of you who weren’t there, was 1 Timothy 2:8-10. This is the passage where Paul instructs the Ephesian men to pray (with humility and unity) and the Ephesian women to adorn themselves with godly attire and behavior. With the Gospel, certainly, as the agent of change in our lives, Burt challenged the men of community to be the spiritual heads of our church and our homes, and he challenged the women to be meticulously careful in the way we dress.
So here’s the original thought. (DRUM ROLL, please.):
Isn’t it incredibly interesting that the discipline (or at least one aspect of it) that Burt challenged the men to develop in their lives (being the spiritual heads of our church and their homes) is directly related to a huge sin issue for the women (our tendancy to try and control men, Gen. 3:16). And, likewise, the discipline (or at least one aspect of it) that Burt challenged the women to develop (carefulness not to dress in a way which would cause the men to lust) is directly related to a huge sin issue for the men (their tendency to lust).
I’m sure there’s some profound conclusion I should make from this little observation.
It’ll probably come to me in a couple of weeks.
SO, when an ORIGINAL THOUGHT comes to me quickly (a rarity, trust me), I get really excited. But it happened. Today. When Burt was preaching.
The sermon was part of our current series on what makes a healthy church. The passage, for those of you who weren’t there, was 1 Timothy 2:8-10. This is the passage where Paul instructs the Ephesian men to pray (with humility and unity) and the Ephesian women to adorn themselves with godly attire and behavior. With the Gospel, certainly, as the agent of change in our lives, Burt challenged the men of community to be the spiritual heads of our church and our homes, and he challenged the women to be meticulously careful in the way we dress.
So here’s the original thought. (DRUM ROLL, please.):
Isn’t it incredibly interesting that the discipline (or at least one aspect of it) that Burt challenged the men to develop in their lives (being the spiritual heads of our church and their homes) is directly related to a huge sin issue for the women (our tendancy to try and control men, Gen. 3:16). And, likewise, the discipline (or at least one aspect of it) that Burt challenged the women to develop (carefulness not to dress in a way which would cause the men to lust) is directly related to a huge sin issue for the men (their tendency to lust).
I’m sure there’s some profound conclusion I should make from this little observation.
It’ll probably come to me in a couple of weeks.
Skeletons
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
I didn’t often think about the past when I was younger. Now I think about it a lot. (Maybe that’s because there’s more of it than there used to be; after all, I’ll be forty this year.)
What I find myself thinking about most are the skeletons in my closet.
Now I’m not talking about the “skeletons” people are normally referring to when they use that term. You know, the “dirty deeds” we all hope no one will ever find out about. (Hey, I’m forgiven, covered by the grace of Jesus. I don’t have to worry about those things anymore.)
No, the skeletons I’m talking about are the friendships I’ve let die over the years.
Joan Parker – best friend from high school. Her home became a second home to me, and I adored her family. Teachers confused us with one another; we were inseparable.
Dawn Haskew – high school and college friend, and gifted artist. My “do-it-yourself” wedding wouldn’t have been half as beautiful without all her hard work.
Elizabeth Dunn – college pal. She was the sorority sister with whom I had the strongest kinship (the only real kinship, to be honest). Her faith inspired me.
Christine Likens – summer beach project bosom buddy. The day she met me and learned that my boyfriend of four years (yes, Steven) had broken up with me, she told me she couldn’t wait to see what great things God was going to do in my life. Our friendship grew deep fast.
Tracy Hambrick – the neighbor who became so much more than just a neighbor. She and her husband found it difficult to break the news to us that they were moving out of state; when they finally told us, I sobbed.
Robin Cooper – God’s grace to me at BellSouth. In a season of my life where work limited my ability to spend time with women elsewhere, God gave me daily Christian fellowship with this dearest friend.
These relationships span a period of more than 15 years. And you know what’s really sad? In some way, I’ve grossly failed every one of these women as a friend. One went through an emotionally abusive marriage, and I wasn’t there for her. Another’s dad died, and I never sought to comfort her. One sends me cards faithfully (and has for the last 15 years) even though she never gets a response back from me. In some cases, I’ve neglected the friendships and let them fall by the wayside simply because life’s journey has taken us in different directions. And in at least one case, I deeply wounded a hurting friend with my self-righteousness.
There are other friends from my past that I wonder about. But these women are different. These are the ones who were closest to my heart. And I ache for them.
God has blessed me with precious friendships now – true kindred spirits. You might argue, then, that it’s just the past I ache for -- the years that have gone by, the youth that has faded.
I don’t think so.
I think God is teaching me about relationship – the value of it, the beauty of it, the deepness of it. I ache for these women because my heart was connected to theirs -- still is connected to theirs.
Thankfully, these women (I’m certain about all but one) are believers. I’m humbled to know that someday there will be no failures to acknowledge, no wounds of which to repent; I will have glorious, perfect fellowship with these sisters. In the meantime, I’d be happy for a little more imperfect fellowship with them in this life. With a little effort on my part, by God’s grace it will happen.
What I find myself thinking about most are the skeletons in my closet.
Now I’m not talking about the “skeletons” people are normally referring to when they use that term. You know, the “dirty deeds” we all hope no one will ever find out about. (Hey, I’m forgiven, covered by the grace of Jesus. I don’t have to worry about those things anymore.)
No, the skeletons I’m talking about are the friendships I’ve let die over the years.
Joan Parker – best friend from high school. Her home became a second home to me, and I adored her family. Teachers confused us with one another; we were inseparable.
Dawn Haskew – high school and college friend, and gifted artist. My “do-it-yourself” wedding wouldn’t have been half as beautiful without all her hard work.
Elizabeth Dunn – college pal. She was the sorority sister with whom I had the strongest kinship (the only real kinship, to be honest). Her faith inspired me.
Christine Likens – summer beach project bosom buddy. The day she met me and learned that my boyfriend of four years (yes, Steven) had broken up with me, she told me she couldn’t wait to see what great things God was going to do in my life. Our friendship grew deep fast.
Tracy Hambrick – the neighbor who became so much more than just a neighbor. She and her husband found it difficult to break the news to us that they were moving out of state; when they finally told us, I sobbed.
Robin Cooper – God’s grace to me at BellSouth. In a season of my life where work limited my ability to spend time with women elsewhere, God gave me daily Christian fellowship with this dearest friend.
These relationships span a period of more than 15 years. And you know what’s really sad? In some way, I’ve grossly failed every one of these women as a friend. One went through an emotionally abusive marriage, and I wasn’t there for her. Another’s dad died, and I never sought to comfort her. One sends me cards faithfully (and has for the last 15 years) even though she never gets a response back from me. In some cases, I’ve neglected the friendships and let them fall by the wayside simply because life’s journey has taken us in different directions. And in at least one case, I deeply wounded a hurting friend with my self-righteousness.
There are other friends from my past that I wonder about. But these women are different. These are the ones who were closest to my heart. And I ache for them.
God has blessed me with precious friendships now – true kindred spirits. You might argue, then, that it’s just the past I ache for -- the years that have gone by, the youth that has faded.
I don’t think so.
I think God is teaching me about relationship – the value of it, the beauty of it, the deepness of it. I ache for these women because my heart was connected to theirs -- still is connected to theirs.
Thankfully, these women (I’m certain about all but one) are believers. I’m humbled to know that someday there will be no failures to acknowledge, no wounds of which to repent; I will have glorious, perfect fellowship with these sisters. In the meantime, I’d be happy for a little more imperfect fellowship with them in this life. With a little effort on my part, by God’s grace it will happen.
The Measure of a Life
Saturday, January 21, 2006
I was browsing through the bookstore night-before-last, and I stumbled upon an interesting little book. It was only about half the size of a postcard, so its size alone attracted my attention. My interest was piqued even further by the book’s slick-looking cover jacket and trendy illustration (a hip little diva in glamorous clothing and high heels). I read the title, and I was hooked. This little book was going to tell me “What Every Woman Should Do Once.” Every woman, including me.
I have to admit, I’m a sucker for this sort of thing. So I flipped open the little book and began to read.
Make up an alias. Never done it.
Skinny dip. Never done it. (Really.)
Insist on being called Your Majesty for a day. Have thought about it. Never done it.
Sleep under the stars. Not a bad idea, but … never done it.
Things were beginning to get pretty depressing. According to the law of averages, my life was half over, and I hadn’t done any of the things every woman should do.
Then, glory of glories, I found one:
Dance on top of a bar. Yep, that one I’d done. Never mind the fact that I was only about five years old at the time, the bar was owned by one of my mom’s friends, and my little performance (which Momma and her friends found very cute) occurred while the bar was closed. I was encouraged.
I turned the page and kept reading, reserving judgment on the fullness of my life until I’d gotten further through the list.
Now, honestly, some of the ideas really did sound fun. I’d like to learn to tango, create my own holiday and celebrate it every year, and wear a feather boa and movie star glasses to the grocery store. And what woman in her right mind wouldn’t want to go on a carriage ride in Central Park?
But the more I read, the more heartbroken I became.
Write your acceptance speech for the Woman of the Year Award.
Date a guy you met on the Internet.
Audition for reality tv.
Give someone famous your autograph.
Buy a round for everyone at the bar.
Be the boss.
Send yourself a dozen roses.
Have a three-martini lunch and go back to work refreshed.
Call in sick and spend a whole day shopping with your best friend.
Dye your hair blonde, and see if they really do have more fun.
Kiss a guy from every state.
Forget about what your mother would think.
Try an extreme sport.
Make a voodoo doll of your ex.
Taste every variety of margarita.
And my personal favorite …
Have an anonymous encounter.
The book was meant to be given as a light-hearted, happy (albeit serious) little gift. What broke my heart was the view of life it advocated – and which I see advocated by so many things designed for women today.
Sure, the editors threw in some politically correct ideas for good measure (volunteer at a homeless shelter, adopt a pet, run for a worthy cause). And there was an occasional gem of an idea (like the carriage ride in Central Park).
But for the most part, the ideas were self-serving, self-gratifying and shallow. In fact, I found the list to be sadly ironic. Instead of the full and robust life the book’s title suggested, I couldn’t help thinking what a hollow existence any life measured by this list would be.
I have to admit, I’m a sucker for this sort of thing. So I flipped open the little book and began to read.
Make up an alias. Never done it.
Skinny dip. Never done it. (Really.)
Insist on being called Your Majesty for a day. Have thought about it. Never done it.
Sleep under the stars. Not a bad idea, but … never done it.
Things were beginning to get pretty depressing. According to the law of averages, my life was half over, and I hadn’t done any of the things every woman should do.
Then, glory of glories, I found one:
Dance on top of a bar. Yep, that one I’d done. Never mind the fact that I was only about five years old at the time, the bar was owned by one of my mom’s friends, and my little performance (which Momma and her friends found very cute) occurred while the bar was closed. I was encouraged.
I turned the page and kept reading, reserving judgment on the fullness of my life until I’d gotten further through the list.
Now, honestly, some of the ideas really did sound fun. I’d like to learn to tango, create my own holiday and celebrate it every year, and wear a feather boa and movie star glasses to the grocery store. And what woman in her right mind wouldn’t want to go on a carriage ride in Central Park?
But the more I read, the more heartbroken I became.
Write your acceptance speech for the Woman of the Year Award.
Date a guy you met on the Internet.
Audition for reality tv.
Give someone famous your autograph.
Buy a round for everyone at the bar.
Be the boss.
Send yourself a dozen roses.
Have a three-martini lunch and go back to work refreshed.
Call in sick and spend a whole day shopping with your best friend.
Dye your hair blonde, and see if they really do have more fun.
Kiss a guy from every state.
Forget about what your mother would think.
Try an extreme sport.
Make a voodoo doll of your ex.
Taste every variety of margarita.
And my personal favorite …
Have an anonymous encounter.
The book was meant to be given as a light-hearted, happy (albeit serious) little gift. What broke my heart was the view of life it advocated – and which I see advocated by so many things designed for women today.
Sure, the editors threw in some politically correct ideas for good measure (volunteer at a homeless shelter, adopt a pet, run for a worthy cause). And there was an occasional gem of an idea (like the carriage ride in Central Park).
But for the most part, the ideas were self-serving, self-gratifying and shallow. In fact, I found the list to be sadly ironic. Instead of the full and robust life the book’s title suggested, I couldn’t help thinking what a hollow existence any life measured by this list would be.
Quote of the Week
Monday, January 16, 2006
Community is always poised between two poles: solitude and togetherness. Without togetherness, community disperses; without solitude, community collapses into a mass, a crowd.
David Steindl-Rast
David Steindl-Rast
Holiday revelation
Sunday, January 01, 2006
Two oddball places God gives me some of my greatest revelations:
(1) the shower, when the water's heating up my brain, and
(2) the check-out line at Wal-Mart.
Now, there's no rhyme or reason to my shower-induced revelations. Topically, they run the gamut, from new homeschool strategies to scriptural insights to child psychology.
The revelations I've had in Wal-Mart's check-out line, on the other hand, almost always have to do with my personal shortcomings. Here are a few examples:
"I'm an impatient/inconsistent/terrible/etc. mother." (That one hits me whenever I scream at, threaten or, maybe worst of all, lose my children while unloading the grocery cart).
"I'm a total idiot." (I arrived at that little jewel of self-insight after shopping for $200 worth of groceries only to discover that I'd left every form of payment in some other purse at home).
"I will never live within a budget." (That, after spending over budget AGAIN because I just couldn't live without that Josh Groban CD.)
See what I mean?
But I had a very different sort of revelation in the Wal-Mart line just a few days before Christmas. It came as a result of a conversation I had with a really nice, professional-looking gentleman. Just as I finished filling the conveyor belt with my groceries, the man came up behind me. He could see that my transaction was going to take a while, so he asked the other guy with him to go over to customer service and purchase the gift cards they needed. Remember, Christmas was only days away.
Here's how the conversation went:
Gentleman, somewhat loudly, to the other guy as he walked away: "18. Tell them we need 18 100-dollar gift cards."
Me, jokingly: "Go ahead and make it 19, if you don't mind."
Gentleman, laughing: "From the looks of things, you'd spend it all right now."
Me: "Not hard to do, when you're feeding a family of six."
Gentleman: "I can't even imagine."
pause
Gentleman again: "So, what's the age range of the kids?"
Me: "12, 10, 5 and 3."
Gentleman: "Great. So you have at least two believers, then."
Me, surprised and excited at his question: "Yes, we do."
Him: "What about the 10-year-old?"
Me: "Oh, yes, he joined the church just a few weeks ago."
long pause
Him: "No. No. I mean't believers in Santa Claus."
Now, I wish I could report that I shared the gospel with him at this point or at least said something semi-spiritual. I didn't. Instead, I explained away my own response ("We don't do Santa Claus, never have. My husband works in full-time ministry, so my mind naturally goes that direction."). Then I paid for my groceries and headed out the door, beating myself up again: "I am such an idiot. I should have known what he was talking about. Do I even have a brain?"
And then the revelation hit: "My mind doesn't naturally turn to spiritual things; that's the Holy Spirit's doing. The Holy Spirit is turning my heart away from the things of the world and toward the things of God; that's why it didn't occur to me that the man mean't Santa Claus. God really is changing me, he really is changing his children. We are in this world, but we are not of it!
(1) the shower, when the water's heating up my brain, and
(2) the check-out line at Wal-Mart.
Now, there's no rhyme or reason to my shower-induced revelations. Topically, they run the gamut, from new homeschool strategies to scriptural insights to child psychology.
The revelations I've had in Wal-Mart's check-out line, on the other hand, almost always have to do with my personal shortcomings. Here are a few examples:
"I'm an impatient/inconsistent/terrible/etc. mother." (That one hits me whenever I scream at, threaten or, maybe worst of all, lose my children while unloading the grocery cart).
"I'm a total idiot." (I arrived at that little jewel of self-insight after shopping for $200 worth of groceries only to discover that I'd left every form of payment in some other purse at home).
"I will never live within a budget." (That, after spending over budget AGAIN because I just couldn't live without that Josh Groban CD.)
See what I mean?
But I had a very different sort of revelation in the Wal-Mart line just a few days before Christmas. It came as a result of a conversation I had with a really nice, professional-looking gentleman. Just as I finished filling the conveyor belt with my groceries, the man came up behind me. He could see that my transaction was going to take a while, so he asked the other guy with him to go over to customer service and purchase the gift cards they needed. Remember, Christmas was only days away.
Here's how the conversation went:
Gentleman, somewhat loudly, to the other guy as he walked away: "18. Tell them we need 18 100-dollar gift cards."
Me, jokingly: "Go ahead and make it 19, if you don't mind."
Gentleman, laughing: "From the looks of things, you'd spend it all right now."
Me: "Not hard to do, when you're feeding a family of six."
Gentleman: "I can't even imagine."
pause
Gentleman again: "So, what's the age range of the kids?"
Me: "12, 10, 5 and 3."
Gentleman: "Great. So you have at least two believers, then."
Me, surprised and excited at his question: "Yes, we do."
Him: "What about the 10-year-old?"
Me: "Oh, yes, he joined the church just a few weeks ago."
long pause
Him: "No. No. I mean't believers in Santa Claus."
Now, I wish I could report that I shared the gospel with him at this point or at least said something semi-spiritual. I didn't. Instead, I explained away my own response ("We don't do Santa Claus, never have. My husband works in full-time ministry, so my mind naturally goes that direction."). Then I paid for my groceries and headed out the door, beating myself up again: "I am such an idiot. I should have known what he was talking about. Do I even have a brain?"
And then the revelation hit: "My mind doesn't naturally turn to spiritual things; that's the Holy Spirit's doing. The Holy Spirit is turning my heart away from the things of the world and toward the things of God; that's why it didn't occur to me that the man mean't Santa Claus. God really is changing me, he really is changing his children. We are in this world, but we are not of it!
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