Overhaul

World Harvest has given me an assignment. I’m to write a paragraph describing what God is doing in my life, how he’s changing me – how he’s “overhauling” me, to be precise. I’m finding this assignment impossible. How in the world do you tell someone in one paragraph what God has done for you? What he’s still doing for you?

I’ve begun the assignment about 20 times. (OK, a bit of an exaggeration, but only a bit.) I think the problem is that I can’t decide which approach to take. It’s like a 747 is circling through the sky and can’t decide where to land, even though there are a dozen or so available runways below.

So instead of continuing to try to organize all my thoughts before I write, I’ve decided to just write – off the top of my head – and hope inspiration will come. (OK H.S., that’s your cue.)

Should I write about the distant past and its contrast to the present? (It’s a good story, I think – not because of me, but because of the faithfulness of God.) Or maybe I could explain the two scriptures that I think summarize my life (Jeremiah 2:13 and 1 Cor. 1: 26-31). Perhaps I should write about the threads God is weaving through my life right now (biblical truths that cut to the heart of my struggles).

Struggles. Maybe, as I’m sitting here, I’m recognizing that the only way to talk about how He’s changing me is to be real about how I struggle.

I struggle with self-absorption -- most notably, a need for approval and validation. All too often, I live believing my value is based on my performance: how well I educate my children, how much ministry I can pull off, whether or not people enjoy my company. I’m not only unbroken over my own sin, but frequently blind to it altogether. I struggle with envy, and anger, and fear. I struggle with all those things. And more.

God’s “overhaul” of me hasn’t been to miraculously remove the struggle, but to teach me, in the midst of it, to run to Him. To trust in the righteousness of Christ given over to me. To recognize these struggles as the present value of the blood of Christ for me.

World Harvest Staffer Meredith Elder, my friend and mentor, once told me that long permanent change is made up of many millions of little beliefs and repentances. God is overhauling me: by His grace, he’s teaching me to believe and repent. In the process, by way of the millions of little beliefs and repentances, I believe He’ll make me more like Jesus. That’s His job, not mine.

"They said therefore to Him, "What shall we do, that we may work the works of God?" Jesus answered and said to them, "This is the work of God, that you believe in Him whom He has sent." John 6:28-29